Friday, July 29, 2011

Pardon me, but this is a lady-post. (But really helpful. Just found this out today.)

Hi gals. ...And Morgan I guess.... (Morgan don't read this. Unless you want to hear about periods. Hey, yes I'm a girl, and I can bitch whenevah I want.)
So I woke up with the most horrific cramps. And I just layed in bed for three hours, cause they hurt so friggin bad. But once I got out, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to noon yoga. And I remember people saying that exercising helps, but there was no way in hell I was going to bend in any direction.
So while my mom left for yoga, I made this. 
Watch it. I think it's funny.
Anyways, here comes the more helpful part.
So I went into work today, and my fantastic boss, Brittany, was getting ready to end her shift. I still had bad cramps, so I asked her if she had anything that could help me. She didn't have anything on her, but she said that mint teas can be helpful. (She said that it's good for pregnancy, but it's just good for ovaries in general too. Plus all that stuff listed on that link.) Another thing that can be beneficial is raw cacao. (Scroll down to "Why Unprocessed Chocolate is Good For You.") Brittany said that this helps balance hormones and stuff. Also, this stuff is fucking delicious. You can get it at any health food store, and you can make hot chocolate with it and it will be good for you... but my favorite right now is this smoothie we make at Ginger's Cafe. Here's the recipe:

Chopped up banana
2oz raw cacao powder
about 1/2 or a 1/4 of an avocado
Agave (for sweetener, you can use honey or something of the like.)
about 2 cups of soy, almond, or regular milk. My favorite is almond.
A few ice cubes

It's delicious.
But, the #1 helpful treatment for terrible cramps, is Olbas Oil. It's often used for massages, to relax muscles, etc., etc. Brittany said that this helps her cramps pretty quickly, in three minutes tops, they're gone. You can get this at any health food store as well. (Notice: the first ingredient in Olbas Oil is peppermint. Mint = Good.) (Also, Olbas Oil can help with headaches, colds, etc. It's just miracle juice.)
Anyways, continuing with my story (aka: bitch time cause I'm on my period everyone), after she left I made mint tea and started feeling better. But once it was gone, my uterus was pissed. She was like, "Dude, why are you trying to get rid of the cramps? REVENGE!!!!" and it killed. I got so nauseated, I could barely stand up. I ran to the bathroom, thinking I was gonna puke. But I didn't, thank goodness. But really, I got lightheaded and my face went super pale. I literally thought I was slowly dying. I was hurting and nauseated so bad, I couldn't believe it.
I told everyone I was closing early, cause I tried making someone a sandwich earlier, but I could barely do it. Thank goodness Brinley, (the girl who used to work there) was doing teacher training in the yoga studio and I got her to make food for me. But after that I closed. My mom picked me up and I cried horrifically the whole way home. I told her about the Olbas Oil. We got home, she made me raspberry leaf tea (which is good for you when you're nauseated), and left for the health food store. Once she came back, I just rubbed a little where it was hurting. And, Brittany's preachings were true. They went away pretty quickly. Dissolved. Gone. Magic in a bottle. I'm definitely carrying a little bottle of that with me everywhere I go now.
So there you go. Bitchy story with helpful advice on the side.
And that is how my day went today. The end.
(I love you.)


  1. Ohmygoodness. Jess, my life is going to be so much better. the world is a brighter place as we know it.
    (I'm gonna comment on your posts now cause they're interesting and I think I finally understand blogspot and how it works now >:)

  2. Mwahaha. Goood. Also, I think "Christopher's Jurassic Green Nutritious Powder Supplement" Or whatever it is, is supposed to help too. And it's actually good blended in apple juice. (But don't smell it right out of the container, cause you might die a little. Like I did.)
    And PS, Messy Jessi. I'm (still) dying to send you a letter!!
    PPS, it took me a looong time to understand blogspot. So. Good job.