Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Story Time, With Tess Bybee and Clarifying Questions by Jess Perry

me: Tess tell me a fucking story or something
 te:  OKay
This one time
There was a sheep
And he lived in, a fancy fancy fort
That was built by pixies
 me:  Did the sheep have a dick or a vajayjay?
 te:  It was a dick
He fell a asleep in his fort one time
In a cute little sleeping bag
When he woke up, he realized he was being carried by something, or someone
But he was still in his sleeping bag, and so he couldn't see who it was
So he fell back asleep
 me:  was it a conspiracy?
 te:  Hush
Just listen
 me:  okay okay
 te:  So, when he woke up again
He was in a fancy fancy palace
 me:  made of teeth?
 te:  Some of it yes
 me:  were there rapists about?
 te:  No, I said hush!
 me:  kayyyy
 te:  So.. he was in a palace
And there was a very pretty big hairy thing
 me:  (that's the rapist?)
 te:  (that was bigfoot, but the sheep doesn't know what a bigfoot is)
 me:  (oh okay. So does bigfoot have a dick, or a vagina?)
 te:  Vagina
And there are no rapists in this story, so don't say that anymore!
Any way
The girl bigfoot was in a nice pretty dress, made out of people teeth
And the sheep said
"You are so pretty, I love your people teeth dress."
And the bigfoot said
 me:  Oh god they're going to mate, huh.
 te:  SSHHH
Jess, shut up
Just listen dammit
"And then...
The big foot said
"Thank you sooo much. People Ivory is the best, typed of ivory you know"
"That must have been expensive" said the sheep
"Actually I made it myself, from teeth that I extracted from people that I poached"
Said the bigfoot
 me:  (does big foot have a missing toe?)
 te:  Jess, hush
okay, so
let me think
 me:  (does teeth come out instead of puss when she pops her zits?)
 te:  Jess
okay, then the sheep was like "I'd very much like to go on such an excavation, with a fine lady such as yourself"
And then
The Bigfoot said "Then we shall embark!"
 me:  The sheep. Is totally making a move on bigfoot. They're going to mate in the end, huh.
 te:  Jess, just listen
And the lady bigfoot put the sheep back in his sleeping bag, and went downtown
And then she punched some people in the face and got some teeth
And then she went back to her palace
 me:  Did she eat them like tic-tacs?
 te:  No
So she opened the sleeping bag to show her lil sheepy
But, the sheep had suffocated
 me:  :O
 te:  And so lady bigfoot cried and cried
and then she ate him
The end
 me:  Phew. Well, I'm glad that Bigfoot didn't do anything sexual after the sheep suffocated. That would have been messed up.
You were totally going to make something kinky happen until I asked about it huh
 te:  Yeah, but not that kinky.