Wednesday, August 29, 2012

No Pat, No!

Profound conversations with Jess and Teh shall commence.

Jess:  i can't remember

 Te oooh
werewolf queef

 Te every time you think it has something to do with a koala

 Jess:  hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
why the fuck do i think of koalas

 Te Hahahahaha

 Jess:  oh man that made me laugh so fucking hard
 Te I don't know man, but it's funny as shit

 Jess:  god
we are so funny

 Te hahaaha
I knoow
not very many other people think so though

 Jess:  its because we don't know a lot of normal people that think funny things are funny

 Te Maybe we're just abnormal though
or maybe everyone around us is asshats

 Jess:  i think most people we know are asshats cause we live in utah county where everyone is frumpy and upset at something
 Te hahahahahaha
frumpy and upset at something
it's so perfect
perfect description

 Jess:  haha it's just how it is
 me:  haha, I know
 Jess:  wonky
 Jess:  i know yo
fuckin wasps
 Te asshats
they are asshats
 Jess:  do you read that as "ass hat" or "ass shat"?

 Te ass hat

 Jess:  ass shat is funny too

 Te:  hahah
yes it is

 Jess:  hahaha i think of dr seuss
"ass. Shat. No pat, no! dont sit in that!"

 Te:  hahaha
what the fuck man?

 Jess:  hahahahahahahaha

 Te:  hahaha ohh my god
that's so funny, but it doesn't make any sense

 Jess:  hahahahaha
its in reference to hop on pop
there was a part where Pat was going to sit on a cactus, but one of the kids were like "no pat, no! don't sit on that!"

   Te:  hahahaha

 Jess:  and pat's face man
pat's face

 Te:  hahahahaha

 Jess:  he's all about to sit down and he looks behind him like "ohhh"

 Te:  hahaha
I dying right now
just this whole conversation
is fucking funny

 Jess:  hahahahaha i know man

 Te:  hahaha

 Jess:  oh my god i'm laughing at myself so hard right now

 Te hahahaha
me tooo
your little rhyme is killing me
 Te:  hahahahaha

 Jess:  his face
his fucking face

 Te:  hahahahaha

 Jess:  and his hands
its like he's been walked in on

 Te:  hahahahahahahaha
oh man
I didn't notice the hands
but they're fucking funnt

 Jess:  hahahahahahaha

 Te:  oooooh man

 Jess:  and if i remember correctly, pat likes to sit on weird shit
like a cup

 Te:  hahahaha
oh my god
dude hang on


 Te:  I gottta piss or I'm gonna pee my pants from laughter
in the toilet 

 Te:  at first glance I thought it said "trash reading hop on pop"

 Jess:  oh my god i thought it was until you said that

 Te:  hahahaha
trash reading sounds like it's own verb
like "let me just trash-read this real quick"

 Jess:  hahahahaha i knoww

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Genevieve, My Presh' Babycake

This is an ode to Genevieve:
Genevieve is possibly one of the greatest people in ze world.
She's one of the very very few people that can handle me when I'm in a terrible mood (i.e. calmly reminding me that koala bears have two penises).
So thank you Genevieve, 'cause you take what is in your head and you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends.
I'm really glad she's alive.
Genny has a good color of hair at the moment. I'ma fan.
Genny is one of the most intelligent people I know. And her sense of humor intertwines with her smart brain, and the words that come out of her mouth... they're so great. Oh, Genny and her diction!!!!
She's also one of the prettiest people I know. Seriously, her face. I like it a lots. (Homo, baby. All the way.)
My Math Guardian whispered to me that she likes you, too.

Cheers to you, Genevieve!


Sunday, October 23, 2011

Haiku: For Happiness

All that matters for
Happiness, is this: let there
Be sugar and beans.

The Lion in its Den

(Hey, here's a personal essay I wrote. This early memory in my brain is about 4 to 5 seconds long, but I decided to write it down anyways.)

The Panthera Leo, also known as, the lion, is one out of four type of cat in the genus species: Panthera. Its closest relatives of the lion’s genus species are the tiger, the leopard, and the jaguar. Some male lions can weigh up to, or exceed, 550 pounds. Male lions are recognizably distinguished by their rather large and bushy manes. Currently, lions live in Sub-Saharan Africa and Asia.
            And though these are all facts, that last one is wrong. You see, my next-door neighbor, the Mildenstein’s, had a pet lion that they kept in their backyard (even though they indeed have the potential to seriously injure or kill animals and human beings.). We do not live in Sub-Saharan Africa or Asia—we live in Orem, Utah, America. It was a male—I could tell by its mane—and it was real big, though not as tall as the chain-linked fence that separated the properties, that separated the lion from my brother and me. I was three years old, my brother was five. We were bored, so we decided to tease the lion in his den.
            Of course, it wasn’t an actual den. In the corner of our yard, the place where the grape covered wooden fence and chain-linked fence met, the tall bushes cleared an area where you can walk up and see our neighbor’s yard clearly through the chain-links. But, of course, you couldn’t see the neighbor’s yard clearly when the mass of a lion’s body was in the way.
            I remember giggling loudly as I got closer and closer to the fence, the lion’s den, and my older brother urging me to get closer to it with him. I could see the lion with his mane, standing proudly.
            I heard a noise. A scream? A yell? The term for a lion’s yell would be a “roar.” The roar was the loudest noise I had ever heard. The roar was a sharp pang I felt in my heart and shook through my body. It was so loud in fact, the wind from the roar knocked me back and I feel onto the wet grass below me.
            Luckily, the entrance to my house just happened to be nearby, so I ran for cover, out of fear, screaming all the way, hoping that I wouldn’t hear any more roars on my way. I didn’t cry too hard, I was just scared, but I felt a couple hot tears on my chipmunk-cheeks.
            Later my mom informed me that my neighbor’s never owned a lion, but they did own a large dog, and they cut its hair to make it look like it had a mane.
            I disagree. My memory from when I was three distinctly portrays a Panthera Leo, a lion.

Monday, September 12, 2011


So, does this background make it easier to read? Feedback, please.
Do de doopy derp. What?
So lately, my blog sucks. Sorry about that. I really don't know what to say.

But, if you want, you can giggle at this silly man.

What a silly man.


Oh, and here's an image that has to do with boobs.
Are those boobs?!?!?

So... yeah. Hope you're life is doing alright. See ya.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Updates On Past Time

(Probably mostly everyone that reads this already knows some of the stuff I'm gonna ramble about, but I'm not writing for you, I'm writing for myself. So suck it.)
I have a bunny named Bunny. My dad found her in his parking lot off of State Street, poor skinny bony bunny. But she hopped up and sat on his foot, so he took her home. She's crazy about blueberries, carrots, and dandelions. One time she hoped in a plant in my front room and started digging in the dirt. So now we don't have that plant in the living room. She did have a cage, but she doesn't really use it. My house and my backyard is her cage, which is awesome in comparison to other bunny situations in the world. (In fact I'm pretty sure Bunny ran away from these Mexicans that were going to eat her near my dad's karate studio... My dad almost took a goat and sheep home one day apparently? Couldn't fit em in the Carola, was his excuse.) Also, Bunny runs around your feet in circles when she's excited to see you and it's so cute. And she likes to snuggle. And, it's cute when she cleans her ears. But it's friggin weird when she makes gasping sounds, cause it sounds like a human. She also likes to lick feet like a dog with her long skinny tongue. When she get scared, she runs inside in the living room and thumps her foot really loud. You can hear it throughout the house. (Oh yeah, we trained her to go through the doggy-door.)
Alright, moving on.
My job at Gingers was the most fantastic job I ever had (it was my first job), until August came along. Brittany, my boss, spontaneously moved to California to work on a marijuana farm. Which doesn't surprise me at all that she would, but it sucked that she left early without telling anyone. The provo location was closing anyways, but not until the 30th. We ended up closing early, but no one really told me in time, so I missed the walkabout this year. Which, I was okay with it, cause it sounded crazy this year, with the whole seizure thing and the Morgan almost dying of heat stroke thing, and also I got to spend time with mah brother and sister-in-law while they were in town.
Moving on.
I'm excited, but scared as shit, to be growing up. Money. I need a lot of it. To live. Maybe I'll just make my hobo short story a reality and just live in the Salt Lake City Airport and eat out of garbage cans, and look through people's luggage and smell people's underwear. I probably won't smell people's underwear. But if I was desperate to brush my teeth, I would most definitely use a strangers toothbrush and toothpaste.
Anyways, this is a not-fer-sure thing at all, but Lara has nominated me to visit Mount Holyoke in November, for free and everything, flight paid for and everything, and I would sleep in someone's dorm. By myself. Traveling across the country by myself and sleeping in a complete stranger's room. But, if everything works out and I DO get to even go, we're gonna try to see if I can hop on a train from MH to Bryn Mawr to Ingrid, and then we would go to New York to where Eva goes to college. Which sounds awesome, but then I think of who I am and it scares me really bad. But I really hope I do get to visit at least Bryn Mawr sometime during the school year; I've been pretty flip-floppy about the whole women's college thing. Not sure how I feel about it. But, it would be good to visit.
I don't want to take the fucking SAT.
So yeah.... St. John's College in New Mexico sounds pretty cool, too. I probably won't go there though. I think I only like it in theory.
Oh hey, speaking of stressful things, I got a planner. I wrote a list of homework on each date, and I feel a lot better, since I had homework from every class except for one. Now I know what I should do first. I really hope I don't turn into a crazy bitch this school year, again.
Hey, so there was this really big moth in my house and it freaked me out. Hayli looked up if moths bite, and this is what she found:

Also, not all moths have mouths.

I drank like a million cups of water with mint and lemon in it today. It's good.
I also made Earl Grey Cuppycakes and they were fucking delicious and I'm making them again.
AAAH It's almost my birthday. But, it's Tyler's birthday today. And then Tess's birthday is even sooner. And. Probably someone else's birthday cause I remember last year that there were sooooo many birthdays in september.
I got a soft case for my accordion yesterday.
Um um ummmm.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Earl Grey

Earl Grey is such a lovely tea; wonderful to have any time of day. I usually take it with a 'lil sugar and almond milk. Sounds great, right? What can be better than that fantastic beverage?
...Well, what if, there was an UPGRADE from Earl Grey tea? Well now there is!!!
Scroll down and look at that food porn. Look. At. Eet.
I'm totally gon' make that.
Doesn't this just make you so thankful that there is good in the world??
Here will be an excerpt from my prayers tonight:
"Dear Cosmic Universe (or whatever Greater Being I feel like praying to tonight),
Thank you for letting a certain Chinese-Mandarin live on this Earth, who presented his blend of tea to Lord Grey, who was also living at the time. Thank you for having Lord Grey like the taste of it. Also, thank you for having the Earl Grey name the tea after himself-- even though it sounds selfish and should have been named after the Chinese-Mandarin-- I like saying the name "Earl Grey." Also, you have no idea how grateful I am that you put the idea in humans' heads to have tea included into recipes in some of the greatest works of confectionery and baked goods. And thank you for gifting thumbs to humans. Even though humans have probably done a lot of bad things, thanks to thumbs, humans have also made fricken delicious things with them. Like Earl Grey cuppycakes.
This whole chain of coincidences makes me happy. Unless of course, it was just fate, and all a part of your fantastic plan to please me, and others.
I love you.
Love, Jess. Amen.
(Post Script: I'm sorry if I got some of my facts wrong in the beginning of this prayer, I'm just trying to say that I'm thankful. Also, blame the wikipedia article I read about Earl Grey. Here it is:,_2nd_Earl_Grey
Maybe you can settle this peacefully and just give the author of that article a vision of what really happened.... or something. Just brainstorming. Okay. Sorry. For Realz, Amen.)"