Genevieve, My Presh' Babycake

This is an ode to Genevieve:
Genevieve is possibly one of the greatest people in ze world.
She's one of the very very few people that can handle me when I'm in a terrible mood (i.e. calmly reminding me that koala bears have two penises).
So thank you Genevieve, 'cause you take what is in your head and you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends.
I'm really glad she's alive.
Genny has a good color of hair at the moment. I'ma fan.
Genny is one of the most intelligent people I know. And her sense of humor intertwines with her smart brain, and the words that come out of her mouth... they're so great. Oh, Genny and her diction!!!!
She's also one of the prettiest people I know. Seriously, her face. I like it a lots. (Homo, baby. All the way.)
My Math Guardian whispered to me that she likes you, too.

Cheers to you, Genevieve!

Love,
Jess.

Haiku: For Happiness

All that matters for
Happiness, is this: let there
Be sugar and beans.

The Lion in its Den

(Hey, here's a personal essay I wrote. This early memory in my brain is about 4 to 5 seconds long, but I decided to write it down anyways.)

The Panthera Leo, also known as, the lion, is one out of four type of cat in the genus species: Panthera. Its closest relatives of the lion’s genus species are the tiger, the leopard, and the jaguar. Some male lions can weigh up to, or exceed, 550 pounds. Male lions are recognizably distinguished by their rather large and bushy manes. Currently, lions live in Sub-Saharan Africa and Asia.

            And though these are all facts, that last one is wrong. You see, my next-door neighbor, the Mildenstein’s, had a pet lion that they kept in their backyard (even though they indeed have the potential to seriously injure or kill animals and human beings.). We do not live in Sub-Saharan Africa or Asia—we live in Orem, Utah, America. It was a male—I could tell by its mane—and it was real big, though not as tall as the chain-linked fence that separated the properties, that separated the lion from my brother and me. I was three years old, my brother was five. We were bored, so we decided to tease the lion in his den.

            Of course, it wasn’t an actual den. In the corner of our yard, the place where the grape covered wooden fence and chain-linked fence met, the tall bushes cleared an area where you can walk up and see our neighbor’s yard clearly through the chain-links. But, of course, you couldn’t see the neighbor’s yard clearly when the mass of a lion’s body was in the way.

            I remember giggling loudly as I got closer and closer to the fence, the lion’s den, and my older brother urging me to get closer to it with him. I could see the lion with his mane, standing proudly.

            I heard a noise. A scream? A yell? The term for a lion’s yell would be a “roar.” The roar was the loudest noise I had ever heard. The roar was a sharp pang I felt in my heart and shook through my body. It was so loud in fact, the wind from the roar knocked me back and I feel onto the wet grass below me.

            Luckily, the entrance to my house just happened to be nearby, so I ran for cover, out of fear, screaming all the way, hoping that I wouldn’t hear any more roars on my way. I didn’t cry too hard, I was just scared, but I felt a couple hot tears on my chipmunk-cheeks.

***

            Later my mom informed me that my neighbor’s never owned a lion, but they did own a large dog, and they cut its hair to make it look like it had a mane.

            I disagree. My memory from when I was three distinctly portrays a Panthera Leo, a lion.

Hello!!!!!

So, does this background make it easier to read? Feedback, please.
Do de doopy derp. What?
So lately, my blog sucks. Sorry about that. I really don't know what to say.

But, if you want, you can giggle at this silly man.

What a silly man.

************

Oh, and here's an image that has to do with boobs.

Are those boobs?!?!?

So... yeah. Hope you're life is doing alright. See ya.

Updates On Past Time

(Probably mostly everyone that reads this already knows some of the stuff I'm gonna ramble about, but I'm not writing for you, I'm writing for myself. So suck it.)
I have a bunny named Bunny. My dad found her in his parking lot off of State Street, poor skinny bony bunny. But she hopped up and sat on his foot, so he took her home. She's crazy about blueberries, carrots, and dandelions. One time she hoped in a plant in my front room and started digging in the dirt. So now we don't have that plant in the living room. She did have a cage, but she doesn't really use it. My house and my backyard is her cage, which is awesome in comparison to other bunny situations in the world. (In fact I'm pretty sure Bunny ran away from these Mexicans that were going to eat her near my dad's karate studio... My dad almost took a goat and sheep home one day apparently? Couldn't fit em in the Carola, was his excuse.) Also, Bunny runs around your feet in circles when she's excited to see you and it's so cute. And she likes to snuggle. And, it's cute when she cleans her ears. But it's friggin weird when she makes gasping sounds, cause it sounds like a human. She also likes to lick feet like a dog with her long skinny tongue. When she get scared, she runs inside in the living room and thumps her foot really loud. You can hear it throughout the house. (Oh yeah, we trained her to go through the doggy-door.)
Alright, moving on.
My job at Gingers was the most fantastic job I ever had (it was my first job), until August came along. Brittany, my boss, spontaneously moved to California to work on a marijuana farm. Which doesn't surprise me at all that she would, but it sucked that she left early without telling anyone. The provo location was closing anyways, but not until the 30th. We ended up closing early, but no one really told me in time, so I missed the walkabout this year. Which, I was okay with it, cause it sounded crazy this year, with the whole seizure thing and the Morgan almost dying of heat stroke thing, and also I got to spend time with mah brother and sister-in-law while they were in town.
Moving on.
I'm excited, but scared as shit, to be growing up. Money. I need a lot of it. To live. Maybe I'll just make my hobo short story a reality and just live in the Salt Lake City Airport and eat out of garbage cans, and look through people's luggage and smell people's underwear. I probably won't smell people's underwear. But if I was desperate to brush my teeth, I would most definitely use a strangers toothbrush and toothpaste.
Anyways, this is a not-fer-sure thing at all, but Lara has nominated me to visit Mount Holyoke in November, for free and everything, flight paid for and everything, and I would sleep in someone's dorm. By myself. Traveling across the country by myself and sleeping in a complete stranger's room. But, if everything works out and I DO get to even go, we're gonna try to see if I can hop on a train from MH to Bryn Mawr to Ingrid, and then we would go to New York to where Eva goes to college. Which sounds awesome, but then I think of who I am and it scares me really bad. But I really hope I do get to visit at least Bryn Mawr sometime during the school year; I've been pretty flip-floppy about the whole women's college thing. Not sure how I feel about it. But, it would be good to visit.
I don't want to take the fucking SAT.
So yeah.... St. John's College in New Mexico sounds pretty cool, too. I probably won't go there though. I think I only like it in theory.
Oh hey, speaking of stressful things, I got a planner. I wrote a list of homework on each date, and I feel a lot better, since I had homework from every class except for one. Now I know what I should do first. I really hope I don't turn into a crazy bitch this school year, again.
Hey, so there was this really big moth in my house and it freaked me out. Hayli looked up if moths bite, and this is what she found:

Also, not all moths have mouths.

I drank like a million cups of water with mint and lemon in it today. It's good.
I also made Earl Grey Cuppycakes and they were fucking delicious and I'm making them again.
AAAH It's almost my birthday. But, it's Tyler's birthday today. And then Tess's birthday is even sooner. And. Probably someone else's birthday cause I remember last year that there were sooooo many birthdays in september.
I got a soft case for my accordion yesterday.
Um um ummmm.
THIS IS A GARBAGE POST!!!! CONGRATULATIONS IF YOU READ ALL OF THIS CRAP!!! YOU JUST WASTED YOU'RE TIME!!!!! YEEEEEAH!!!

Earl Grey

Earl Grey is such a lovely tea; wonderful to have any time of day. I usually take it with a 'lil sugar and almond milk. Sounds great, right? What can be better than that fantastic beverage?
...Well, what if, there was an UPGRADE from Earl Grey tea? Well now there is!!!
Scroll down and look at that food porn. Look. At. Eet.
I'm totally gon' make that.
Doesn't this just make you so thankful that there is good in the world??
Here will be an excerpt from my prayers tonight:
"Dear Cosmic Universe (or whatever Greater Being I feel like praying to tonight),
Thank you for letting a certain Chinese-Mandarin live on this Earth, who presented his blend of tea to Lord Grey, who was also living at the time. Thank you for having Lord Grey like the taste of it. Also, thank you for having the Earl Grey name the tea after himself-- even though it sounds selfish and should have been named after the Chinese-Mandarin-- I like saying the name "Earl Grey." Also, you have no idea how grateful I am that you put the idea in humans' heads to have tea included into recipes in some of the greatest works of confectionery and baked goods. And thank you for gifting thumbs to humans. Even though humans have probably done a lot of bad things, thanks to thumbs, humans have also made fricken delicious things with them. Like Earl Grey cuppycakes.
This whole chain of coincidences makes me happy. Unless of course, it was just fate, and all a part of your fantastic plan to please me, and others.
I love you.
Love, Jess. Amen.
(Post Script: I'm sorry if I got some of my facts wrong in the beginning of this prayer, I'm just trying to say that I'm thankful. Also, blame the wikipedia article I read about Earl Grey. Here it is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Grey,_2nd_Earl_Grey
Maybe you can settle this peacefully and just give the author of that article a vision of what really happened.... or something. Just brainstorming. Okay. Sorry. For Realz, Amen.)"

Pardon me, but this is a lady-post. (But really helpful. Just found this out today.)

Hi gals. ...And Morgan I guess.... (Morgan don't read this. Unless you want to hear about periods. Hey, yes I'm a girl, and I can bitch whenevah I want.)
So I woke up with the most horrific cramps. And I just layed in bed for three hours, cause they hurt so friggin bad. But once I got out, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to noon yoga. And I remember people saying that exercising helps, but there was no way in hell I was going to bend in any direction.
So while my mom left for yoga, I made this. 
Watch it. I think it's funny.
Anyways, here comes the more helpful part.
So I went into work today, and my fantastic boss, Brittany, was getting ready to end her shift. I still had bad cramps, so I asked her if she had anything that could help me. She didn't have anything on her, but she said that mint teas can be helpful. (She said that it's good for pregnancy, but it's just good for ovaries in general too. Plus all that stuff listed on that link.) Another thing that can be beneficial is raw cacao. (Scroll down to "Why Unprocessed Chocolate is Good For You.") Brittany said that this helps balance hormones and stuff. Also, this stuff is fucking delicious. You can get it at any health food store, and you can make hot chocolate with it and it will be good for you... but my favorite right now is this smoothie we make at Ginger's Cafe. Here's the recipe:

Chopped up banana
2oz raw cacao powder
about 1/2 or a 1/4 of an avocado
Agave (for sweetener, you can use honey or something of the like.)
about 2 cups of soy, almond, or regular milk. My favorite is almond.
A few ice cubes

It's delicious.
But, the #1 helpful treatment for terrible cramps, is Olbas Oil. It's often used for massages, to relax muscles, etc., etc. Brittany said that this helps her cramps pretty quickly, in three minutes tops, they're gone. You can get this at any health food store as well. (Notice: the first ingredient in Olbas Oil is peppermint. Mint = Good.) (Also, Olbas Oil can help with headaches, colds, etc. It's just miracle juice.)
Anyways, continuing with my story (aka: bitch time cause I'm on my period everyone), after she left I made mint tea and started feeling better. But once it was gone, my uterus was pissed. She was like, "Dude, why are you trying to get rid of the cramps? REVENGE!!!!" and it killed. I got so nauseated, I could barely stand up. I ran to the bathroom, thinking I was gonna puke. But I didn't, thank goodness. But really, I got lightheaded and my face went super pale. I literally thought I was slowly dying. I was hurting and nauseated so bad, I couldn't believe it.
I told everyone I was closing early, cause I tried making someone a sandwich earlier, but I could barely do it. Thank goodness Brinley, (the girl who used to work there) was doing teacher training in the yoga studio and I got her to make food for me. But after that I closed. My mom picked me up and I cried horrifically the whole way home. I told her about the Olbas Oil. We got home, she made me raspberry leaf tea (which is good for you when you're nauseated), and left for the health food store. Once she came back, I just rubbed a little where it was hurting. And, Brittany's preachings were true. They went away pretty quickly. Dissolved. Gone. Magic in a bottle. I'm definitely carrying a little bottle of that with me everywhere I go now.
So there you go. Bitchy story with helpful advice on the side.
And that is how my day went today. The end.
(I love you.)